Middle age is having a choice between two temptations and choosing the one that'll get you home earlier. ~Dan Bennett
First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly. ~Branch Rickey
Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. ~Bill Cosby
Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. ~Red Buttons
May you live to be a hundred yearsWith one extra year to repent.~Author Unknown
Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician. ~Author Unknown
Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again. ~Jimmy Piersal, on how to diaper a baby, 1968
We know we're getting old when the only thing we want for our birthday is not to be reminded of it. ~Author Unknown
Are we not like two volumes of one book? ~Marceline Desbordes-Valmore
It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge. ~Phyllis Diller
Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened. ~Jennifer Yane
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. ~Lucille Ball
Middle age is having a choice between two temptations and choosing the one that'll get you home earlier. ~Dan Bennett
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