Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again. ~Jimmy Piersal, on how to diaper a baby, 1968
Middle age is having a choice between two temptations and choosing the one that'll get you home earlier. ~Dan Bennett
Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking that in a week or two he will feel as good as ever. ~Don Marquis
I'm sixty years of age. That's 16 Celsius. ~George Carlin, Brain Droppings, 1997
I still have a full deck; I just shuffle slower now. ~Author Unknown
Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest. ~Larry Lorenzoni
Henry James once defined life as that predicament which precedes death, and certainly nobody owes you a debt of honor or gratitude for getting him into that predicament. But a child does owe his father a debt, if Dad, having gotten him into this peck of trouble, takes off his coat and buckles down to the job of showing his son how best to crash through it. ~Clarence Budington Kelland
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. ~Chili Davis
My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, "You're tearing up the grass." "We're not raising grass," Dad would reply. "We're raising boys." ~Harmon Killebrew
It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge. ~Phyllis Diller
The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left. ~Jerry M. Wright
May you live to be a hundred yearsWith one extra year to repent.~Author Unknown
I'm sixty years of age. That's 16 Celsius. ~George Carlin, Brain Droppings, 1997
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